Poetry
By Blaze ©2001
Internal Conflict
I lie in a
twisted mangled heap of bones
Put here in this hellish place
By every look and every frown
I have seen upon your face
Those
emotions you made known to me
Plainly showed your contempt
For how I have lived my life
In slovenly strife, unkempt
I am a
raving lunatic
In your neat and perfect world
I am a dangerous psycho
Disguised as a small girl
You see me
as a threat
You hold me at arm's length
Afraid I am contagious
Afraid I'll steal your strength
Your
desire to see me gone
Has come true in your mind
And so I started to wither
Under your gaze, so unkind
I am
trapped now, here
As you wanted me all along
Shut up in the attic of your thoughts
Where you just knew I'd belong
I want out
now, please
I am dying can't you see
I am screaming at the top of my lungs
Wanting you to hear me
But you go
on ignoring my pleas
I am but a pest to you
This side of me that no one sees
Locked up like a beast in a zoo
How long can I pretend
To be someone I'm not
If I ever get out of here
I'll make sure "we" get caught
Untitled
© John Herbach
That I Matter To You
Use me, abuse me
Break me, bruise me
Take what you want
Of my special treasure
Tear it apart
For your own pleasure
The consequence doesn't matter
As long as you get your way
I'll be left to deal with it
No matter what you say
Give me those promises
Those sweet sugary lies
To paint as a glaze
Over the pain in my eyes
You say you'll remain
When your playtime is through
But I know the truth
You'll leave like you always do
Still I let you do this
Play with me again
Because in the moments of pain
I find myself then
Clinging to an illusion
Reveling in a fallacy
That I matter to you
Like you matter to me
Siren Eyes
Crawl a
little closer please
I beg of you on bended knees
Let me infect you with my disease
Let me make you more at ease
I want to
get you next to me
As close as two can ever be
So I can blind your eyes that see
That there will never be a "we"
Virulent
lies are my thing
Feeding you signs of what I bring
But you only hear what my siren eyes sing
Caught inside this closing ring
I am pain,
sorrow, despair
Walking through your life without a care
Damaging as much as I dare
Disappearing into thin air
Leaving
you to deal with the mess
Is what I find I do best
Move along to all the rest
Unwitting fools to play the jest
I am
pleasure, rapture, tears
My siren eyes swallow all your fears
So much more than they appear
Traps with which to beguile, endear
I cast my
spell quietly upon you
So that I may slowly break you
Tear you apart, rip you in two
This is, simply, what I do
You'd
never believe, after my lies
That this all is a clever disguise
For a heart that slowly dies
Every time you look into my siren eyes
I never
did intend to harm
But it's part of my tainted charm
The kind that never causes alarm
Till it's too late and you're caught by the
arm
I am pain,
sorrow, despair
Walking through your life with too much care
Damaging all with a numb stare
Mouth closed on a scream I won't dare
Rot
Watch me
Smash myself apart
Against the rocks of insanity
Inanity
The profound apathy
In my head
Should scare me
But it only scares you
Shake me
Make me feel something
But you can't
Because I am already numb
Broken apart
By the demands in your eyes
In your lies
I feel cold
If I feel at all
When you are in the room
What happened
You wonder
Somewhere back there I died
But you dragged me along anyway
Perversity
Pushing you
Don't quit
Don't stop
You cannot fail
Yet
It's all finished
Bury me already
I'm beginning to rot
Twin
Fear is my vicious twin
Building a wall between me and the world
Brick by bloody brick
Penning me in and showing only the anger
Because of her I am misunderstood
Misidentified, maligned
I am Fear's sickly twin
Wretched and broken
She always seems to win the struggle
Cutting me for more mortar
To make the wall higher
Even as I throw myself against it
Trying to tear it down